Do You Sabotage Your Healing?

Ever wonder about Murphy’s Law in your life? You know the one – “everything that can go wrong will go wrong.”

Do you often say things like “just when I thought things were going to calm down, *this* happens” or “it never ends” or “just my luck?”

Difficulties happen over and over again to bring our attention to the healing call; when you accept, the difficulties stop.

No, your life isn’t suddenly Photoshopped perfection – experiences still happen…

but pain eases, anxiety dissipates, grief releases, depression lifts, illness reverses, stress calms  when you step into your healing power and bring all your experiences into alignment with your authentic self.

 

All the difficult experiences are energetic pressure bringing you to the place of I can’t take it anymoreto the place of burnout, meltdown, crash…physically and/or emotionally. It’s why “wake-up” calls happen.

Our souls first whisper, then gently guide us, then speak loudly, and finally push HARD.

All those inklings and gut feelings and small voices and second guesses were pointing the way…and they came home to roost in the form of anxiety, stress, pain, overwhelm, high emotion, disease, depression.

Not doing what you instinctively know is the right thing *for you* – because of X, Y, Z external reasons – builds block after block within you until it weighs so much you collapse, one way or another.

And often something external collapses along with it – a relationship, a job, finances.

You’re not responsible for someone else’s poor choices; this isn’t about blame…

it’s about the subtle subconscious/unconscious things we do to bring an untenable situation to the point of collapse so we can get relief from the pressure.

For example, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship that clearly doesn’t have the capacity for change and you’ve been working through the conscious mental and emotional struggle of what to do – yet haven’t taken any steps so far – you’re still operating energetically in your best interests, setting in motion what needs to happen even if your conscious mind and actions seem the opposite.

I was in such a desperately unhealthy relationship – one in which the very foundations were built on lies and deceit, illusions and pipe dreams – and it came to a spectacular train-wreck of an end 3 years ago.

Looking back, I can see the ways in which I was pulling a wall of safety around myself even while, outwardly, I was jumping through the same hoops I’d always jumped through, sacrificing my health, sanity and well-being…even increasing the external appearance of scrambling to “fix” things when more outer pressure came to bear on the situation.

At the same time, I used my work-from-home job as an *excuse* to create some private space for myself; I began disconnecting from some of the unhealthy routines, again using my job as my *excuse* to do it; I emptied a box and found my copy of Full Catastrophe Living YEARS after I purchased it and avidly read it for the first time.

My soul was speaking up…and I was subconsciously following it while outwardly needing *excuses* to take better care of me.

Then came Valentine’s Day that year: Two very awkward and uncomfortable days at a beautiful B&B followed by a stop at Barnes & Noble on the way home…

where I unexpectedly was drawn to purchase my own Tarot deck for the first time.

It just happened, no previous conscious thought about it at all.

So that evening, we were sitting in the living room and I opened the deck, found the instructions in the accompanying book about how to do a reading and proceeded to draw 10 cards for a Celtic Cross layout.

Every single one of the cards spoke of abrupt change, lies, deceit, emotional treachery…

Then I had my husband draw 10 cards: As I (laughingly) read through the meanings of each – out loud – the cards revealed cheating, lying, infidelity, a new relationship, chaos.

I asked him, jokingly, if he was going to leave me for another woman…a thought that had never crossed my conscious mind.

Two days later, I received a phone call from someone I trust implicitly…letting me know they had seen my husband at a certain known woman’s house the night before, and that they had suspected a relationship there for several weeks but had waited to be certain before speaking to me about it.

You guessed it: I confronted him, he admitted it, and I kicked him out.

When things aren’t right, you intuitively KNOW – and you need to learn to purposefully connect with it to step into your healing power.

Your soul is ALWAYS feeding you the information you need to heal – whatever the external situation.

In 2008, I was on the brink of answering my own healing call.

I was healthy, well, safe, stable, writing, conceptualizing a business…and I sabotaged it all to enter into this relationship. I left all of it on the shelf entirely for more than 4 years until my life detonated.

At the time my marriage ended, my mother was dying, my youngest child was heading for college, and my dog had terminal kidney cancer. Everything fell apart at once.

When it all was said and done 6 months later, I was sick, alone, grieving and questioning my whole life.

At first, I was just angry – at others, at God, at the Universe, at fate – but most of all, at myself. I was only a few months from my 50th birthday and my entire life was in a shambles. How could I have f**cked everything up so royally?

Eventually, I didn’t have the energy left to be angry anymore.

That’s when my soul began whispering again…and things began aligning.

  • I discovered a local metaphysical shop, and through it, a tremendous spiritual community.
  • My oldest daughter came to stay with me for a while, and we worked through a lifetime of shit together.
  • The company I worked for began changing in ways I disagreed with.
  • The opportunity to move back to the area of my early childhood dropped into my lap…
  • and that move landed me next door to the man who, months later, became the supportive, loving partner I’ve searched for all my life…
  • and even before that, I had the opportunity to leave the job I loathed to resurrect my dream business.

When I answered the healing call of my soul, step-by-step, piece-by-piece, day-by-day I grew, changed, built, healed.

The Universe brought me what I needed when I needed it once I became open to expansion.

Fear and doubt tried to take hold many times (and temporarily succeeded on occasion) and then I would choose to do it anyway, scared or not, and I was guided to the solution that ended the fear each time, to the next answer, to the next step.

We’re so conditioned to believe we have to understand the whole plan before we can take action…

and that’s just a lie our programming tells us.

When you hear the whisper of your soul, when the ah-ha! moment happens, when the brilliant idea strikes, when the spark ignites, grab it and act on it! Don’t let the energy around it dissipate, for it’s in that moment the next shift happens, the next gift is given, the next door opens, the next step on the path is revealed.

Harnessing your intuitive knowing is a bit like navigating around your house at night: it’s not scary because you sense where to go, where the trip-ups are, and in knowing these things, you navigate flawlessly without fear.

When we’re thrown into sudden darkness our first instinct is to panic – even the ambient light is taken away – and it’s then that we most need to tap into our intuitive knowing. We can navigate the darkest of times if we trust in ourselves and our internal guidance system.

When you do, you have the courage to do it afraid, and lifting into courage changes everything.

You move deeper and deeper into trusting yourself.

You gain the tools and skills to navigate whatever comes along.

You align with your authentic self…and you LIKE HER…then learn to love her.

You see the glimmers of your purpose, your calling, your reason for being here in this place at this time.

Women are especially prone to sabotaging their healing because we are taught from a very young age to sublimate our own needs in deference to others and we are well schooled in self-sacrifice.

When we even think about putting our own needs first, we feel guilty.

The paradigm is changing: more and more women are being called to heal – themselves, their families, humanity – and it starts with stepping into our healing power and creating exquisite wellness for ourselves.

Only then can we do the desperately needed work of bringing feminine energy back into balance to create a healing shift for all humanity.

So I ask you again: Do you sabotage your healing? Will you join me in “doing it afraid” – if that’s what it takes – and step into your healing power?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, for it’s in sharing our stories, our wisdom, our realizations that we uplift each other and support healing for all women.

Love & Blessings,

Katt

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About The Author

Katt Tozier

Katt Tozier is a writer, podcast host, and Divine Life Flow Guide. Through a unique combination of intuitive reading and practical guidance, she helps women clear the patterns that keep them trapped so they can invoke their healing power. Katt is the Founder of Indomitable Women; she believes, as women, our power is in our individuality and our strength is in our unity, and she facilitates gathering spiritual women together to support our collective healing.

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