Can You Heal Yourself?

Someone recently asked me this question: How did you heal?

It made me stop and think for a moment, because everything I write and teach is based on how I healed myself and my life, and I often share stories from my journey.

But I realized I’ve never put it all down in one place cohesively.

To answer the question, though, you first need to understand what I was healing from.

In my story, Finding My Voice, published in 2015 in the Kindle book, Unleash Your Inner Magnificence, I spoke of “being told to sit down and shut up from the time my biological father entered my life when I was 8” and that “for a little girl who was naturally chatty and imaginative – singing all the jingles to television commercials and creating elaborate make-believe games – it was a tough place to be.”

As it does for many women, my story begins way back in childhood. And, classically, from that starting point, I moved into relationships with emotionally unavailable, and some downright abusive, men.

Anxiety, lack of self-worth, codependency and anger ran rampant. There was a lot of instability, uncertainty, fear, financial distress and often I was simply surviving.

And I was trying to raise 4 children throughout all of it, so there was ultimately the added component of guilt and sadness over what my kids went through.

I began to get sick not long after my son – my third child – was born, when I was just 24. I had a series of kidney infections and other ailments, then began to have the first signs of chronic pain.

Physically, I lived a pretty healthy lifestyle, even in the 1980’s era: I cooked from scratch using whole foods, I gardened and canned and baked my own bread, I made my own baby food and breastfed my children, I used mostly old-time (read: natural) cleaning methods.

But emotionally and energetically my life was toxic and that rapidly took its toll.

I spent my teens rebelling, my 20’s repressing, my 30’s imploding and my 40’s healing. Now, I’m spending my 50’s sharing that healing.

In my late 20’s and early 30’s, I suffered from one syndrome after another: I had fibromyalgia, chronic depression and anxiety, migraines, endometriosis, irritable bowel syndrome, interstitial cystitis, panic attacks, PMDD, ovarian cysts and much more.

Everyday life was a constant battle.

I reached the breaking point when I was 33, more mentally and emotionally than physically, though my body was a mess. This opened the door to several years of tests, prescriptions, surgeries, specialists, and therapists. During that time, I made occasional forays into investigating alternative practices, but in the main, I went from doctor to doctor and medication to medication looking for the magic bullet.

In retrospect, the therapy was the only truly helpful part of that process, planting the seeds that ultimately taught me how to think differently about myself and my health. It wouldn’t really manifest for several more years, but the idea had been sown.

By the time I hit 40, I was tired of the never-ending chase for a treatment or medicine that would make things better. I set out to make radical change: I pursued alternative techniques with a single-minded focus, everything from nutrition to spiritual practices, and my physical condition improved quite a bit.

I was writing a lot, sold a few articles, and was beginning to see the glimmer of an idea about helping other women heal.

Something was still missing. My body was a lot better than it had been, but I was living by pretty tight parameters and restrictions in order to keep it that way.

More than that, my mental and emotional states were still pretty unhealthy – I was angry a lot of the time, still very anxious, and I felt very alone and isolated and afraid most of the time.

In my mid-40’s, I made a decision that changed everything: I chose a relationship that was incredibly toxic and over the next couple of years my health declined rapidly. My pain returned with a vengeance and my anxiety was out of control.

When my whole life detonated in early 2013, I was 35 pounds overweight yet was suffering terrible abdominal pain and not eating well; I was physically deconditioned, in chronic pain and having chronic headaches; I was sleep deprived due to chronic pain and chronic worry; I was having panic attacks again; I had heart palpitations daily, and that turned into supraventricular tachycardia; I had a mass growing on my thyroid and wacky blood tests; I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t make decisions, couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t shut off my churning monkey mind for even a minute; my skin was dry and irritated; I was jumpy and easily startled; my emotions were all over the place – from crying to angry in the blink of an eye.

When I was barely coping, the relationship ended in a betrayal, and at the same time, my 82-year-old mother was hospitalized and it became necessary to make end-of-life decisions for her. All of this was happening during the last semester of my youngest child’s senior year, so college planning and facing an empty nest were in the mix. And I was working 50+ hours a week at a stressful job.

By that summer, I was too sick to work and too distraught to function much at all. I took a 3-month leave-of-absence from work and while I made some small efforts to improve my health, I was still largely focused on sorting out my psychosocial situation.

At the end of the leave-of-absence that fall – without much progress toward wellness – I was alone in a small cabin with only my beloved dog, Maverick…and 18 days later, I found out he had inoperable kidney cancer.

It was the final straw – I railed at the Universe, wondering what I had done so wrong to deserve all this loss, pain and trauma. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and some bad decisions, but I’ve always had good intentions and I’m a loving and compassionate person, so it seemed very unfair…and a lot like punishment.

I spent quite a few weeks enmeshed in incredible anger and spiraling down into deeper depression and anxiety…and still worsening health.

I was grieving my mother, dealing with divorce proceedings and emotional fallout from the relationship, missing my children, dreading my dog’s impending death, and to top it off, the company I worked for was rapidly sending the work in my department offshore, so I found myself facing the potential loss of a job, too.

Just before Thanksgiving that year, after two-plus months of distress, I had no energy left to be angry and anxious anymore.

And in that stillness, I began to hear everything my soul had been trying to tell me.

The whole long, winding and arduous journey had been moving me toward healing – excruciatingly slowly – and now it was catalyzed, a straight shot into a breakthrough experience that has steadily expanded ever since.

So how did I heal?

It started by deciding I wasn’t going to look outside myself for healing, peace and happiness anymore, and I made a commitment to trust myself.

I disconnected from everyone else’s opinions and turned inward for guidance. I began to align with my own intuitive healing messages.

I embraced the understanding that I didn’t “deserve” poor treatment nor was I being punished; instead realizing I’m here for a purpose and all of my experiences have informed that purpose and led me to the place of discovering it.

I let me grief emerge – not just the grief around the recent loss of my mother and all the other things, but the grief around ALL of my lifelong losses, starting with having to leave my Daddy just after my eighth birthday when my parents divorced, through leaving my new best friend and her family three years later when my mother built a new house in another town, through the loss of innocence, dreams, illusions, and expectations, through the loss of relationships, through the regrets (especially the desire to go back and do things differently for my children), through the deaths of family members and pets, and much, much more.

I allowed it all to come up – and I faced it all head on, processing piece by piece and recognizing what a HUGE grief burden was weighing me down.

I let my emotions emerge, too – and it wasn’t pretty for a while, but it was cathartic. If I needed to rant and rave and break stuff, I allowed myself to do it; if I needed to scream and cry, I let that happen, too.

I traced my beliefs to their origins and discovered all the family, social and cultural programming that was operating in my life, and I cut my ties with any programming that didn’t support me.

Then, once it was all out of hiding, and I was done suppressing/repressing, I created releasing rituals to let it go, cutting my ties to all of it and releasing the bonds that had held me captive for decades.

Once I had cleared my mind and emotions – and my energy field – I had enough clarity of mind to begin to question what was next?

And I began to learn and experiment with creating and cultivating new habits – things that would fill me and my life with joy and peace.

I considered all the lessons I had learned, the talents and skills I had accumulated, what came naturally to me. I knew clearly what I DIDN’T want in my life ever again, and that pointed directly to what I did want to bring into my life.

I began to align with my own healing power to bring that vision into reality.

I instituted excellent self-care to support my body, mind, spirit and energy. I eliminated toxic habits, environmental toxins and toxic people from my life. I went through all of my possessions, keeping only those that had practical use or sentimental meaning. I created an atmosphere of comfort and nurture in my personal space. I sought new connections, people, hobbies, experiences and activities that were aligned with what I wanted to create.

I began to visualize the life I wanted and created and honed powerful intention-setting and manifesting rituals to bring it into existence.

I began to study and lean into my natural cycles and work with them instead of against them, flowing with the seasons, cycles and rhythms of my nature and Mother Nature.

I began to break free from limiting beliefs and to cut them off and replace them with believing in my infinite potential.

I began to step through fear and into courage, “doing it afraid” when I needed to in order to make space for expansion.

I aligned my energy with the infinite potential of the universe, allowing co-creation and Divine timing to emerge.

I refused to allow anything into my life – person, possession or situation – that didn’t support my highest well-being.

I disconnected from attachment to outcomes – expectations – and began to allow acceptance to operate fully. I let go of rigidity and inflexibility in favor of taking inspired action.

I excavated my authentic self – who I came here to be – and began to pursue my calling in earnest.

I cultivated a much greater level of spiritual connection, moving past the lifelong limitations of my religious programming.

I actively sought a supportive tribe – from friends and family, to spiritual community, to business colleagues.

I embraced my uniqueness and stopped viewing myself as a misfit, and I stopped seeing everything as black and white/good or bad, and began to view everything as an opportunity: only asking the question, is this opportunity right for ME at this particular time?

I tuned in to the energy moving in my body and I began to make immediate decisions about everything based on that intuition, and I set in motion the first baby step to activate the decisions as quickly as possible.

It’s been more than 3 years now since this huge transition began and I’ve healed, grown, expanded and continued to refine. I’ve come to realize healing keeps expanding as I continue the journey, reaching greater and greater levels of wellness.

I know with certainty that we have within us the power to heal (and to create a whole different life) and we can step into it at any time we chose to. It’s making that first definitive decision to unequivocally trust yourself – perhaps telling yourself the truth for the very first time – that sets it all in motion.

I also know that once we do – and we invest ourselves fully in the process of healing – things begin to align, opportunities open up, expansion happens, awareness refines, and energy lifts to higher levels, raising our power exponentially.

If we can find the temerity to lift into courage and step through our fear, we can catalyze a whole new level of wellness for ourselves…and then we can support other women in catalyzing their own power to heal.

I believe women are being called together to collectively bring healing to humanity.

And it has to start with healing ourselves, and then with the willingness to share our stories to encourage other women in their healing journey. If you, too, have done tremendous healing work in your life, I’d love to share your story on the Your Divine Life podcast: email me at katt@indomitablewomen.org or message me on Facebook or Twitter.

In the meantime, please share your insights about healing in the comments below!

Love & Blessings,

Katt

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About The Author

Katt Tozier

Katt Tozier is a writer, podcast host, and Divine Life Flow Guide. Through a unique combination of intuitive reading and practical guidance, she helps women clear the patterns that keep them trapped so they can invoke their healing power. Katt is the Founder of Indomitable Women; she believes, as women, our power is in our individuality and our strength is in our unity, and she facilitates gathering spiritual women together to support our collective healing.

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